CRICKETING WIZARD (2)
This joke first appeared in ONE SHORT issue 35 May 2000.
This joke will appear by the end of May 2000. It will be published in issue 35 which is due out in May.
This is the story of Wizden, the famous cricketing wizard with magical and frightening powers. Wizden’s main power was the ability to give people who played cricket a special wish.
One day he decided to visit Cogenhoe Cricket Club and select three of their players to offer his latest wonderful wish to.
Wizden had just invented a new super drinkers wish and he was very keen to try it out. When he told the players at Cogenhoe that they would be able to drink as much of their favourite drink as they liked he soon found enough volunteers.
He decided to choose just three of the players and after a little thought and a lot of begging he eventually gave in to the demands of Steve Cox, Jason Roberts and Dave Foley. All three were of course eager to do whatever Wizden told them to do and so when he asked them to meet him at Danes Camp swimming pool the following day they agreed straight away.
The following morning the three intrepid cricketers arrived at Danes Camp and Wizden asked them to put their swimming trunks on and wait for him by the water chute.
Wizden then explained how the wish worked. What the player had to do was slide down the chute and before they reached the pool shout out the name of their favourite drink and before they entered the pool it would be full of that drink and they could drink as much as they liked.
The first to climb the chute ladder was Steve (Reggie) Cox who jumped on the slide as soon as he reached the top and straight away shouted Gin.... and... Tonic.... . True to Wizdens word the pool filled with Gin & Tonic and Reg had a great swim gulping away like a goldfish.
After Reg had been in the pool for several minutes the pool attendants fished him out and sat him at the side of the pool to dry out(in more ways than one).
Wizden looked at the two remaining cricketers and said "who’s next". The ensueing fight was ugly but expected.
The winner was Jason Roberts and up he strode to the top of the chute, jumped on the slide and when he was half way down shouted John.... Smiths.... Bitter.... as before the wish came true and the pool was filled with John Smiths Bitter.
Jason almost managed a breast stroke (but thats a different story). After several minutes Jason was dragged hic-cupping out of the pool and put out to dry next to Reg.
Last to go down the slide was Dave Foley who stood excitedly at the top looking forward to his adventure.
He jumped on the slide, put both hands in the air and screamed Weeee.......
Unlucky Dave.